Transcript:
Hello, right. I’m actually going to do the speech with my sister. Okay, so it’s been a big part of Jade’s life. So wait, that’s why we thought we’d do it together. I’m sorry, I’ve got my back to you guys. I think right, okay, cheeky. Okay, so for those of you, that don’t know me. I’m Sally, obviously the very, very proud Mum of the lovely Jade. This is my sister, Sue. So Jade was born in Germany on the 17th of August, weighing seven pounds seven ounces so lucky seven, so her lovely grandad sadly passed away from Alzheimer’s. He was so proud of Jade as his her grandma. I think was very brave. Singing are serving [Applause] And, of course, her wonderful Auntie Shirley, who’s come all the way from America. So when Jade told me I had to make a speech, she had very, very strict instructions. The first one was, I was to get my speech vetted by Rhiannon Rhiannon. Sorry, okay, rule number two. I was absolutely not allowed to drink any alcohol, especially cocktails, okay. [APPLAUSE] Okay, sorry, James. Going down, okay. I was not allowed to drink any alcohol before the speech, and then the third one. And I’m telling you she was really insistent on. This was under no circumstances was. I too embarrassed to look on your table. If you can’t see this, you’ve all got a copy on your table. There’s also being held up here as well. So so we were not allowed to embarrass her, so don’t. Turn it over, will you? [applause] okay. I don’t know if you’ve seen the other side. That’s picture number two. Okay, so I’m already in trouble. So what could I possibly say in my speech? Well, first thing, I go straight to my world, my. Oh, absolute! You know my black book here, But that was, I just couldn’t get any inspiration in my book, Ilana. I know you want to borrow it, darling. It’s down here. Okay, okay, so oh, my god, this is such thirsty work, so any drink. I know we’ve got a cocktail. There must be something else. Oh, good, okay, Yeah, and the other ones too, you never know. Oh, my god, looks like a present. It’ll be fine, what’s in this thing? Oh, thank God! Barry, Oh, Allah [Applause] their presence. So what else is in there? So, okay, okay, see what else is in there. Quick, Pampas! Grass Bloody old people got some present. What else and follow the keys bloody? He’ll seem to be house keys, house keys. George, have a look soon. See the bloody? I want that crap present or to our lovely new friends. James and Jade. Happy wedding day. Love the hither green swingers club. [APPLAUSE] Okay, so I think there’s another present over there. What’s in it’s in reading first? We better read it first. Join me to read it and I read it. Okay, right, okay, Another crap present to Jayden Jame’s. Happy wedding day from the woman in the upstairs flat defender and Mbaku my god. [applause] right, lets. Get back to this speech so you can see. I’m not very good at speeches here, so I thought right, get on to Google. Google has all the answers, So I thought right, get on to Google. So Google says share stories and memories from childhood. Of course, it was just Jade and I for most of her childhood. Amazing She turned out normal, so I’m just going to share a few memories. When she was about 10 we went to Cologne in Germany and we stayed in quite nice hotel and it got a sauna, and Jayde was only about. I think you were 8 or 10 and you said what’s a sauna, Mum? So I opened the door through her in after she didn’t emerge after about 10 15 minutes. I thought I better go and see she’s only eight about go and see if she’s all right, and she’s sitting there totally traumatized, and then I realized why there’s three German men absolutely stop violent, naked nuts in May through the slacks and Jade was completely traumatized and then, of course, if I just say those famous words, Jade Bradley bear, we went on a holiday and it was in France on a campsite and every morning you could hear Bradley Bear going around, inviting all the children to come and join him in his club because Jaden favored far too cool for that, They’d already got their friends, so they came back one morning after I’m swimming and said I said to them or you’ve missed Bradley Bear. He’s, um, caught via its compulsory. You got joined, so they have absolutely furious, of course so. I said he wanted to know what you’re going to do, so I said. I’ll put you down for a song, so I said it’s not till tonight. So all day they go around. They find their friends telling everybody is compulsory to go. The Bradley Bear Club. All these parents are up in arms going to so my child’s not joining that. You can’t make them another center because we go there eventually and we walk in and cause. Jade realizes I’m joking. We went on that holiday for two weeks. You never spoke to me the rest of the time, okay. The other one was Grandma. Lovely Grandma. Who Jade ask. Grandma, grandma, what’s a lesbian and grandma Who thought she was far too young to know, said? Oh, it’s a woman that drinks lots of coffee. Yeah, bless aha course you can imagine. I told her differently, Okay, The other thing. I’m not going to bore you with but girl’s murder mystery party. Elevens for lunch. Yeah, you remember? Am I okay, right, okay. Let’s go back so Google servers talk about when the groom asked my permission to marry Jade. What did he say, was it? Sonny, oh, I’m sorry, Barry. Did James ask my permission? Say, Did James ask my permission? Jaime [Applause] okay, next picture soon. You might sorry guys, can you? Can you see it? Yeah, okay. Can you see that one? Peter, okay, right, okay. Google then said, tell the couple to choose their friends wisely. So if you look at the next picture and then turn around and we got the Kremlin [Music] Google then said that we sue and I had to offer wise and funny advice to the couple. Sue, come up! We’ve got to have some advice. Okay, never go to bed on an argument. Stay up all night. Fight all night! Okay, my bit of advice is never leave the toilet seat up enough said right so. I want to finish by saying Jayde! You are beautiful! You are smart! You are strong and we are so so proud of you. We love you so much. James, welcome to our family as mad as we are, and we have got one more piece of advice for you treat like a lady [Applause].