The 11 11 11 [MUSIC] And we are free. I think you walking around happy anniversary. Love, thank you, thank you so much. Thank you, lord, for your faithfulness and marriage. Thank you for my wife. Are we ready? Yeah, are we ready? Hi, everyone happy anniversary to us. Yeah, happy anniversary soon. Happy anniversary, It’s our 11th year and for our 11th year, We would like to share some things with you that we’ve learned in the last 11 years of our marriage. If the name version, I mean, now, 11 11 11 11 so here are 11 words from 11 years. The first word is different. There’s the obvious differences between us. Celebrity pastor. It’s pretty obvious that we are super different and every marriage is different and the sooner we make peace with that. That’s where the secret of marriage happens. I think for most people who get into relationships, the starting point would be. Oh, Iko, then, and then, after a few months Hindi, there was this one person, a pastor from our every nation movement, and you know, so much wisdom from him, he said this super powerful phrase that we cannot ever forget it’s been our motto, which is different doesn’t mean wrong. In fact, different makes you strong. I think it says everything that you may need to know. Uh, different is not. Does it mean that you’re wrong? You guys are wrong or it’s a mistake that you guys are together. Actually, if you’re able to tap those differences and see where the strengths are and the weaknesses are and fill in for each other’s gaps, then it can make you strong second word partners very often when we start in a romantic relationship like she is the object of my intent of my pursuit, and that’s understandable. She still is, but there’s also a side of marriage that is partnership, which means we are side by side working on something together like this video. Yes, if you think about it, Um, Eve was actually made for this, and I think it was the nth time that I was reading Genesis. When I realized I was like, oh my gosh! She was made so she could actually be of help to Adam. And so you know, a person who is going to just relax. The Adams helper. So God’s plan for marriage is for, uh, the spouse to be a suitable helper for the wife to be a suitable helper to the husband, and that means if you’re married, your spouse is also your partner from God with strengths that will augment your weaknesses and weaknesses that you will help cover and what an amazing partnership it is. Number three friends for me and Carla. We started out as friends. We got into marriage and we loved partnering together as well and somewhere along the ways I think. In our eighth and ninth year, it became more about the partnership working together, working on the kids working on the home, serving the church helping with her career. So you work together, you critique Each other. We’re like the worst. She’s my harshest preacher. Yeah, when he’s preaching, I’m like young friend and my whole point in saying that is because when you have a friend, sometimes a friend just knows when to shut up and just hold your hand, stay by your side and yes partners can say are come together for strength. I like your strengths. I want your strengths to augment mine, but friends are there for times of weakness to pick you up when you’re down, and that’s what we need for marriage as well, so partners and friends both are important. There’s a great tension there. [MUSIC] Number four is work. Marriage is a lot of work A lot a lot a lot a lot a lot of work. We are made to believe by these movies that we watch and those who grew up with Disney. It’s as if that’s the pinnacle, and then everything after that is like happily ever after not. Okay, so that’s not not the case. In fact, this is only when everything begins. I love this goat that I found on, um, a magazine. Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity yet. Almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage by Sydney. Harris Khalamo. It’s just like that. Nah, you make a commitment and you should be fine, and you’ll be a successful married couple, but it takes a whole lot of work to actually get there Number five. Go my work my plate. I think don’t take life too seriously or don’t. Take everything too seriously, especially yourself or sometimes, even your spouse like there are so many times. [MUSIC] And then I would think. Oh, my, we need to bring her for counseling. We need to bring her to psychologist. Play means laughing. Play means enjoying, but super crucial in play is to not take yourself and the whole situation too seriously. [MUSIC] [Applause] that’s! What makes play possible? That’s why kids can do it because they’re not taking everything so seriously, that’s why they forgive easily. It’s just so funny because when when our kids make mistakes, they’re so easy to, like, say sorry when [Music] and thankfully, there were a few situations that seemed like they were going to boil over. It was going to get mad that we’re diffused by laughing by saying. Forget this! I have a point you have a point. I want to watch a k-drama boom problem solved, you know, and and instead of like dying on that hill, you can just laugh. This applies also like in in sex in physical intimacy, much of the message we see in the media in the world. Today is sexual performance. That’s why God’s design is the best within a covenant within loving relationship and commitment to one another for life. You can be vulnerable. You can be intimate. You can play sixth word is choice. Marriage is one big choice, and Carla just dropped this bomb of a line over at lunch, Canada, where she said, saying yes to this is saying no to a whole lot of other things as well, that’s. What marriage is I said yes, to her, Which means I had to say no to thousands of women who had my posters on their bedroom wall, and I had to disappoint them with that. You know, getting married to Carla meant choosing her, not just against other people, but even like against my career against, uh, traveling more against spending that money on myself. And that’s the reality that’s adulting. I remember one time. We had a big fight over your career and you wanted to give up. Something that I felt was a big move for your career and the reason why. I didn’t want you to give it up was. I was afraid that you would regret choosing me, and you said, but I married you. That choice was pre-made now. So I’m not gonna blame you decades from now because I made that choice a long time ago. Thank you, okay, Seventh Word change change. You will change. Your spouse will change so that’s. One thing that will happen to the both of you. I got this thing. From timothy. Keller’s the meaning of marriage book, He also said in that book now I’ve been married to Kathy for so and so years and all of those years she has been with 10 different men and all of them were me. How many eureka’s have you seen? How many Joseph’s have I seen ever since we got married like, 11 years too long? Yeah, with her with hair, no hair. And the crucial thing is to remember that we’re married for life. I’m gonna change, she’s gonna change but never let go. [MUSIC] number eight process change happens but getting accustomed to that change takes a process be mindful of each other’s process be patient with each other’s process and even celebrate each other’s processes to celebrate means even in the middle of that process. This is good! Some would be fast. Some would be slow, but what’s important is that again? We go back to being friends. Are you that friend of your spouse? Who can who’s actually willing to wait by your side until you are able to process it fully thoroughly and you are ready to move on to the next whatever season or level in your life so married people, you’re in process. You are your spouse. Is your home set up? Is your kitchen? Set up your decor. Your kid’s, your dream bedroom. Enjoy the process. [MUSIC] Okay, number nine community. We’ve said this several times in this video already. How we’re grateful for mentors find another couple who can tell you the truth and walk with you? That’s the best community as a single people and also especially for me, especially for married people carry over from singlehood to marriage. What, you both think because he thinks one way? I think another way. Sometimes they agree completely, sometimes not. And so when that happens, we have to seek out our mentors and say, okay, here’s the problem. This is what he says, and this is what I say. What do you guys think or you are forced to clarify your thoughts which you couldn’t or would have wouldn’t have been able to do otherwise when it was just the two of you dying a heated argument. So yeah, I have a community that will know you that will love you. That will speak both truth and love to you and your relationship with your spouse. [MUSIC] Number 10 loss marriage is full of loss. The most painful thing you will lose are things You should be losing your pride, Your self-sufficiency, your independence, your desire to hold on to your dysfunctions? No one wants to hear that that you are supposed to lose yourself so that this marriage can actually come to life, and I don’t know if a lot of people really realize that now when you become one, you actually become a new body, so you’re not keeping your old self anymore. The insignificant parts of you that you know won’t find a place in marriage. You gotta lose those things so the marriage can come to life. Yeah, number 11 like one of the best gifts we can give to. Our partner is to be the one to hope the most for them, even when they don’t hope in them for themselves anymore. Now, Lord Walana. I can see who God made you to be, and I know it will come up. I think I’ll just use something that I learned from Pastor Joel and Miss Jenny When they spoke, they were saying that. When you cannot see hope for your spouse, you actually are not doubting your spouse, But you are doubting the power of God because God has the power to recreate a person. There were many things about me that were changed now. I never thought I would or that. I could when we don’t have the eyes of faith and eyes of hope to say that about our spouses. That’s really internally. An issue of. I’m doubting that God can actually work on this person. The most hurtful things I’ve done to Carla have come from a place of hopelessness where I feel like she’s never gonna get it. She’s never gonna change. She’s always been like this I have to do. I have to say black and the best things I’ve done for. Carla have been from places of hope where you know. What people are saying this? You might even think this. I know I said this. In the past, but no, that’s not true. I see something here. This is going to be amazing. It’s always good to hope in Jesus. We have the hope I think also hope provides. [LAUGHTER] So there goes our 11 words for our 11th year. Thanks for listening. Thanks for joining. I’m not sure if you’re single or you’re married, but I hope you know the things that we said will somehow encourage you and help you in your own journey in life and any last words about marriage, it’s amazing. [MUSIC] It’s amazing. It’s a good choice [Music]. When you have children, the whole point of raising them is so that you can let them go. But the whole point of marriage is to vow from the very beginning of it to never let go. That’s a very interesting. Wow, and I just and I’m gonna stop myself from crying while saying this, but this is what God wants for us that he will never let go. Oh, my gosh! I don’t want to cry. This is the illustration that God uses for himself and us his bride, the church marriage. And this is what he wants for us to never let us go. How long were you in the bathroom? That’s really good, it’s like three minutes. [MUSIC] Until my next, what? Why am I saying that thank you for watching? Please subscribe if you haven’t yet. If you want to see more videos like this, please do say it at the comment section below and happy anniversary. Happy anniversary, bye you.